I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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