Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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