my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
