Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Every concussion has its silver lining
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
