I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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