i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
