where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You are a booty call, not a friend.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
