I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize