I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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