we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Why is there bacon in the couch?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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