Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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