I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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