Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
