First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Who died my cat blue again?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
