Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
