u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
