i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
