why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
