that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
