I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
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