We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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