3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
