Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
