Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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