I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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