Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize