I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize