I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
