The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
