is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
