take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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