Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
