I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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