I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Randomize
