why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
