Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
