When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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