even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
