he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
