Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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