well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
