Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize