He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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