i would punch a child for taco bell
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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