Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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