Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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