dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
