The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
