90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize