I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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