Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
