Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
