I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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