My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
