Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
