Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize