They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize