just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
