i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize