I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
