Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
