You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
