we're blogging at a bar
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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