Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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