Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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